Part 2: Losing 7kg
After 2 days in hospital, I was discharged. My whole body was still feeling very weak because I have not been eating for 2 weeks. My weight dropped by 2kg but doctor say that it is normal and I will feel better after the end of my first trimester. She gave me some anti-vomit medicine and I was to take it every day. However it was not very helpful because I realised I still end up vomiting twice a day even if i did take the medicine. Even though the prescribed medicine is safe for pregnancy, but nevertheless I was still worried, therefore I did not take the medicine regularly.
After a week, my condition did not improved and I wasn’t able to swallow any food. It was really terrible. I could not walk properly and all I did everyday was just to lie on my bed. Everyone was worried so they admitted me into hospital again.
I really was genuinely happy that I am pregnant with my little one inside but yet I was so sick that I could not even smile. Everyday I was counting the days that it will be over and I take comfort that it will be over by the end of first trimester.
I decided to return back to Singapore because I was not able to eat the food in Indonesia. It wasn’t appetizing for me. I needed some plain and oil-free food but perhaps most of all I wanted my mother to take care of me. I missed my mother because she understand me the best. I knew that my hubby will be so busy with his work so I flew back to Singapore.
During my journey back on plane, I was still vomiting in the toilet. I remember the first day when I touched down Singapore, I actually had the appetite to eat everything that my mother cooked. What a miracle! I missed my bed, my family and my friends. Everyone that met me in Singapore all commented that I lose weight. Well, if you have not eaten for 3 weeks, surely you will lose weight. And I jokingly say,
if anyone wants to lose weight, get pregnant like me!
Staying in Singapore did not improve my condition. I would still vomit every single day and I was so tired or sick that I could not even move. Everyone around me was so positive, encouraging me every single day but I felt so depressed. I was pregnant and I wanted to enjoy my pregnancy. I wanted to carry my little one in my tummy and explore the world. I wanted to play and laugh while waiting for the arrival of my little one. However I was so sick that I did not feel like going anywhere. This was definitely not what I wish for. Everyone was telling me that I would get better and every morning I woke up telling myself today is the day!
If you know me personally, you would know that I am a super active person and staying at home was like staying in prison for me. I lost all interest in things around me. As long as I put something inside my mouth, I would vomit it out half an hour later. Even when I was bathing, the smell of soap was so terrible and I threw up like crazy. It doesn’t seem to be stopping.
I put all my worship songs on playlist listening to them day and night, hoping to seek comfort. I still trust my God and I know He will see me through.
First trimester finally ended. I am thinking that the period of vomiting would end soon. I am going to be a happy and healthy pregnant lady. My hubby traveled to Singapore once a month to visit me. I missed him a lot and I hoped to recover so that I can go back Indonesia and be with him. However days passed and my condition doesn’t seem to improve.
I cried almost every night and I became really grumpy. I did not even feel like replying messages in my phone. All I wanted to do everyday is to sleep through it all. I couldn’t focus in everything I do and my comfort food was “milo”. Even then, I would still vomit occasionally on my milo. Four months into my pregnancy journey and I lost a total of 7kg. I looked so skinny and sick. None of my friends or relatives could really comfort me because they did not experience excessive vomiting in their pregnancy.
I was quite worried by the time I was 5 months pregnant. Everyday I was checking for my baby bump but it wasn’t obvious. I did not look pregnant at all. However during my monthly check-up, the doctor said that baby is still growing and healthy. Up till 5 months in my pregnancy, I did not even want to take a single photo at all because i did not want to remember how sick I looked.